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Things on Television We Can Do Without

By: John T Jones, Ph.D. , Posted On: Monday, February 05, 2007

Television clutters our lives with many things we just dont need. As a public service, to simplify our lives, Ive made a list of television shows and channels that we can absolutely do without.

Here is the list:

Meerkat Manor

Meerkats are critters of the mongoose family that might eat a small snake or two to prove it.

Other than Rudyard Kipling's Rikki-Tikki-Tavi from The Jungle Book, little of interest comes from the mongoose family. I doubt that a meerkat would tangle with a full-blown cobra like Riki did.

To save yourself from bordeath (thats another of my invented words and means death by boredom), go to http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/rtt.html and read Kiplings story. Dont come back to this article. It doesnt get any better.

What! You came back?

Meerkats teach their young how to eat a scorpion by removing the stinger and then letting them kill it. They are very sexy and have a new batch of kittens every other month or so. Like lions, they kill young not of their own mating.

Carlos is a playboy meerkat starring in Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet. He fights and mates with every female he finds.

Thats all that any sane person would want to know about meerkats.

Are these scrawny rats really as interesting as our human soap operas?

Probably!

Im tired of meerkats.

They remind me of people.

If you must, learn about meerkats at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meerkat

Religion Television Channels

I just got a call from Nate at Omaha Steaks. I told him I got a call yesterday from the company while I was making a chocolate cake for my Idaho grandkids. Also, they called me last week.

I didnt need any steaks so I asked him about the weather, hoping it was colder in Omaha than her in temperate Southern Idaho. It was and that made me feel good. I prefer other people to suffer in the cold.

I told frequent caller, Nate, that it was in the low forties here yesterday, an Idaho heat wave, and that I didnt need a coat.

He was very jealous and said that he would give his right leg for such balmy weather.

It was zero in Omahaand my step-mother-in-law lives there!

Lets seereligion channels.

Why should I pay the cable company for these channels?

All they want is more of my money.

When I block out the Spanish-language channels, the religion channels, four of the five news channels, and the C-span channels, I have nothing left.

Im getting ripped!

I guess there are folks that like to stay glued to a religion channel. One channel would be enough being on only between 1:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. every other Sunday.

I told you not to come back to this article. It doesnt get any better!

The TV Guide Channel

I hate this channel and the brainless twirps that never go away.

The worst are Joan Rivers and her daughter, Melissa, and their red carpet gabbery with celebrities that I dont know from Adam (gabbery is another of my new words).

They just reviewed number 1000. What a waste!

I will say this for Joan Rivers: she is the only success Ive seen in plastic surgery. Take a look at her at http://www.tv.com/tracking/viewer.html?tid=97363%26ref_id=1064%26ref_type=104

Madison Michelle is on the TV Guide Channel. If you turn her name around, you will have her real name. Clever girl that Michelle! See her clips at http://www.tvguide.com/detail/celebrity.aspx?tvobjectid=215450%26more=ucshowairings

I couldnt find a good pic of MM but I found pics of the real MM at http://www.art.com/asp/display-asp/_/ID--4569/marilyn_monroe.htm?ui=70DF24B185E849D4AFFE3B2DAC9BD23D

With so much clutter on the TV Guide channel, it is almost impossible for an old man like me to find out what is happening on the other channels. With our Cable Company, who claims to just love us, there are two channel listings flashing by at the bottom of the page instead of the full page we use to have.

We old folks are easily distracted and we always miss what we are looking for. So when that happens, we have to wait and wait for the channel guide to whip by again.

Ive sent e-mails to the cable company asking for my old full-page television schedule back but they ignore them.

They dont really love us.

Im going to get a dish!

Texas Holdem

As I said in one of my popular articles on www.ezinemagazine.com, poker is NOT a sport so keep it off the sports and travel channels and put it where it belongson the religion channels.

There is nothing as tedious as the TV poker shows. They are aced out by billiards, bowling, and wrestling. Of course, curling buries them six-feet deep.

Hey! I liked Canadian football before our American football lobby got them cut.

How dare the Canadians have a more exciting game then ours?

Cooking Shows

Now really, how many darn cooking shows do we need?

I say we stick with Rachel Ray, who can not bake, and let it go at that. (Her sister can bake but thank goodness she doesnt have a show.)

Dont you get tired of, Now well let that simmer for a while during the Polident commercial, and Ummmm!

Rachel has her own big time show now. Read about it at her colorful site: http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/

Travel Shows

Travels shows come in a variety of forms sometimes showing us the yachts, houseboats, and homes of the rich folks. There is nothing more stifling than taking a tour of a yacht by a rich matron who is absolutely bored out of her mind. Each of our lady guests has her own solid-gold bidet.

I learned one thing on one of those yacht shows. They buy the great yacht with which they soon become bored and can not unload at a profitso they keep it. But do they sail it across the ocean?

No!

They have their captain sail the thing across the rough Atlantic to the Mediterranean. They fly over, ride their boat on the Mediterranean, and then fly home leaving the captain to face the rough seas again.

Great economics when they could rent a yacht in about any port in the world!

Lets stick with Samantha Brown.

Samantha can be sexy. See her pic at http://www.emediawire.com/prfiles/2005/11/27/315687/SamanthaBrown.jpg

The News Channels

One good news channel would be enough. The existing ones should be called the Old News Channels because they play the same stories copied from other news channels over and over againeven the wording.

If there is a hot news item, I go over to MSNBC to see what is going on. With the other channels, I sometimes have to guess.

Movie Channels

The rule of thumb is you either get a good movie with commercials every two minutes or a bad movie without commercials (where a commercial break would be welcomed).

Okay, there are exceptions but you have to hunt for thembut dont try to do that if you have cable and that blasted TV Guide Channel. (Look in the newspaper. After taking a course at your local junior college on Interpreting Newspaper Television Schedules in Your Area you might be able to find a movie that your cable company cariesfat chance.)

Wait! My wife had a question. If we omit that list of yours, what do we watch?

I said, Read a book!

She said, What is this I have in my hand, a tomato?

I was going to mention the Spanish channels but youve got the idea.

Hasta la vista!

Marilyn Monroe, Madison Meredith, television, news channels, religion channels, Samantha Brown, Rachel Ray, Joan Rivers

Article Source: http://www.many-articles.com

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