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Guy's Night Out

By: Michael D'Arco , Posted On: Tuesday, May 15, 2007

wow. guy's night out rocked. AKA "Quarterly Communications Meeting" to a certain intern's parents. hangover. Not 1 martini?! Lots of whisky. 41 going on 22. ouch. Closed down downtown Albuquerque. Yah, that's right. How did I get here? My 22 year old intern is the only guy allowed out. My wife was going out of town but turned around due to inclement weather. I apologized with "you can't stop guy's night out".

Pocketful of freshly acquired discretionary fund, courtesy of my local casino, we head out for a night of drunken debauchery. We began at corporate Irish wanna be Cheers/Bennigans (Maloney's?) %26 it was just O.K. It's usual purpose is to serve me a giant beer and snacks before I head to a movie. This night was some Crown %26 Coke with Marlboros. We occasionally stared, bewildered, at the massive police presence outside. We occasionally stare, bewildered, at the massive breast presence inside.

Next on our journey... The Distillery. We were well served by "Britney" for her 1st night on the job. Cranberry %26 Vodka, I'm wearing a pink shirt, I'm with my young handsome intern, does this look funny? We laughed %26 drank %26 laughed some more, intern turning green. We talk about chicks alot.

Like good soldiers we marched on... to? It's all a bit fuzzy. RAW/Sauce! That's right. What a joke. First off, I have a thing about lines. I think I'm too important or cool to stand in a line. They let these BIG girls go straight to the head of the line %26 I'm already like... hmmm. Sure, I enjoy their patio, wholly based on its location. But, when you have to go back into the main area to relieve yourself (and I'll come back to that) they make you stand in a line inside to get back out?! $10 was laughed at by the doorman. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Was he having flashbacks of Beverly Hills? When he was done laughing he told me he usually gets $20 a person to return to the patio after a good pee. When I was done laughing back we left, never to return. OK, well maybe. So here is a side tale in brief. I have gotten into PRIVATE parties with supermodels %26 the like where I drank premium liquor for free with a buddy- for $20! $20 has gotten me a free upgrade to monstrous suites in hotels! $20 has gotten the city to open the dump just for me %26 my caravan of trucks in severe wind! $20 is always a good tip no matter what or where. Hmmm... college grad? $10 is more than $0 idiot. See the proportion of cash to service here? So back to the bathroom... after I recovered from my seizure %26 being pushed and trampled by rude whores I got another drink inside before my patio line adventure.

So now we are going to stray off Central %26 maybe find something a bit more elegant. After all, I 'm wearing my diamond studded watch. We avoid mugging %26 get into a very short line (this is good). We think this may be the new club that opened... "7". It's not. It's "OPM", like the one in Vegas, but this is the original. We go in anyway. I say hello to the inside doorman %26 go to the bar. I order a drink %26 look around. Where is my buddy? The gentleman from inside the door comes up to me %26 asks me to please return to the door. ?? $10 cover?! Is there a band? My friend has already paid, so I pay, and we stay. It's O.K. Smacks of Las Vegas. Cushy sitting areas... that cost $150 to sit in. We do the tour %26 return to the first bar, by the door where I "snuck" in.. We sit in midget seats, cubes, at the bar %26 watch the time fly. There was some discussion of Scarface %26 "the world's my oyster" %26 one night in Bangkok. Hope the Asian sex bomb resting her um parts on Sri Lunka Drunk, intern man boy, wasn't offended. The beautiful people dance, the liquor flows. A young man likes my friends eyebrows? The 2 male bartenders are fondling each other. What is this place? 1:30 or so the intensity of the house lights blinds me. In my shock %26 awe I am corralled toward the exit.

It is closing time in downtown Albuquerque. This can only mean one thing...hot dog cart! We stumble past the black clad bands rolling amps out of nearby clubs. We jaywalk towards the smell of horse poop. We trim the hedges of many a small veelage. Club sized line at hot dog stand now. Yes, not a cart, a stand, with room for two inside. Drunk hottie helps herself into the stand just in time to fondle my wiener. What is this place? "Polish Dog please". $7?! The proprietor corrects her, she stumbles, giggles, working for a free wiener.

Now the whistles begin to blow. Riot? Swords %26 Tequila? Mounties. When did the police take over? It was like New Orleans at Mardis Gras! I have never seen the mounted police line up at exactly 2 am %26 begin to blow whistles %26 march their horses into the crowd to disperse it. Was there a riot I missed? I almost choked on my cart food. Time to go. I take this as a sign from God to look for a cab. Of course, 50,000 other people are deciding at that moment to DUI it or cab. There are no cabs in sight, because the streets are blocked off! I call my sure thing... my wife! We ninja it over to the rendezvous point... train station. We get comfy at a fountain just in time to get stabbed by 3 disadvantaged youths when the security guard comes out. 1 more cigarette, one more hoot, one more night on downtown.

Article Source: http://www.many-articles.com

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