Articles in Home | Home and Family | Parenting

Bringing Out The Best In Boys

By: Michael Grose , Posted On: Sunday, April 01, 2007

Raising and educating boys is still a hot topic in Australia, the United States and other parts of the world. It appears that those adults who do best raising and teaching boys have a significant understanding and appreciation of what makes boys tick. Following are seven keys to successfully raising well-adjusted boys, regardless of whether you are a mother of father, sole parent or in a dual parent relationship:

Number one: You must like them.

Approval is at the heart of working successfully with boys. They will walk over broken glass or hot coals if they sense you like them. In a sense this notion holds many of them back as many boys will only work for a teacher if they like them and close down on learning if they sense the teacher doesnt like them.

Take the time to nurture a relationship with your sons or the boys that you interact with. Some boys like to talk; others like to share an activity; some like you as an adult to do something for them; others are very kinaesthetic and love to be touched, cuddled and hugged; while some just love gifts and mementoes. Work out the relational preferences of the males in your life and make sure you match these.

Number two: Boys just want to blend in

The abiding wish of all boys from school-aged through to adolescence is to fit in and be a part of a group. They are group-oriented by nature. They tend to play group games and form themselves into structured friendship groups. This need to fit in will dictate much of their social behaviour so those who raise or work with them need to be mindful not to place them in positions which compromise this desire. Frustratingly, there can be a sameness about the group as boys adopt similar dress, language and codes of behaviour. Boys generally dont want to stand out from their crowd.

Dont put them down in front of their friends and realise that at times they may make friendship choice that may be dubious, but the one thing a boy doesnt want to be is alone.

Number three: They are hierarchical and they like to know who is in charge.

Boys have two questions on their minds whether they are in a group or at home:
1. What are the rules here?
2. Whos in charge?

Boys like limits and boundaries as they make them feel safe and secure. They also like to know that someone is going to enforce those rules so dont be afraid to be in charge, although you dont have to use the same authoritarian methods as perhaps your own parents used.

Number four: Never communicate with a mask.

Some boys, eight years of age and older, wear a mask to protect themselves from being hurt or to portray a tough guy image. This mask can take many guises including; tough nut, cool guy and class clown. They will attempt to communicate with that mask. Refuse to communicate with a mask. Make them feel comfortable, joke with them, even tickle them but get them to drop the mask if you really want to get through to them.

Number five: Loyalty is an incredibly strong driver for boys.

Boys are group-oriented beasts. As a community we place individualism and stoicism on a pedestal. The self-made man is celebrated in Australia but this does boys a disservice. They are incredibly influenced by their peers, which can hold many of them back. It takes a brave boy to get too far ahead of the pack so they often hold each other back when it comes to achieving. But loyalty to others can get boys into trouble. Call a boys sister an insulting name and you are in for fight. Insult his friends and you are asking for trouble. Understand that loyalty to friends, family, teachers and cause are key male drivers and you go along way to understanding the male psyche.

Number six: Use short-term goals to motivate them.

Want to know how to motivate a boy to learn? Just make sure he can see some type of benefit in the task he will work hard to get it. You need to make sure the benefit is tangible and short-term though for many as they are less likely, compared to girls, to work when there is no foreseeable gain for them.

Number seven: Success is the greatest motivator for boys

This is tricky but essentially it is about realising that boys will succeed at most things they put their mind to if the know they will experience success. This means that we need to structure activities so that success is achievable and also make sure they experience success along the way. One simple way of putting this into practise is if a basketball coach wants to introduce a new complex skill he will make sure his charges practise known skills first before introducing the new one. If he or she is smart they will teach the activities in small steps so they can achieve little by little along the way.

There is no doubt that raising boys can be a challenge for many parents. It appears to me that those adults who do best raising boys have a significant understanding and appreciation of what makes boys tick.

Article Source: http://www.many-articles.com

 Loading ...

Syndicate Parenting Related Articles Via RSS!  

Boost your websites' ranking in the search engines, and attract more repeat visitors to your websites with automatic and continually updating content via Really Simple Syndication (RSS). To syndicate the above article "Bringing Out The Best In Boys" and other "Parenting" related articles at your websites and/or blogs, simply click on the XML Icon above to grab the RSS feed -- It's FREE!

Category: Home | Home and Family | Parenting