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Solving Conflicts With Your Child or Teen Easily, The Third Step

By: Wouter Van Der Hall , Posted On: Monday, April 02, 2007

Is baking a cake easy? When you take the time to find out what you're doing, get the right ingredients and follow the instructions, most of the time it is.

Conflict resolution isn't more complicated than that. This third step is basically the same as finding out whether you are baking a cake or a pie. They can have similar ingredients but if two people who are doing this together don't get the goal straight, you may end up wasting time, effort (and a bunch of ingredients!). Frustration and pointed finger are often the result.

Get the issue clear. It means checking out with each other whether what you think you are talking about is the issue the other is dealing with. When you see two kids fight it can be about the toy they need to share or about one always getting it first, or always getting their way, or about don't come in my space, I am not in a good mood.

It is not much different with adults and kids. We as adults often think that we know what it is about. But are we sure? Can we really see inside their head? No, we can't. We too have to check it out. Because if we don't we can solve problems that aren't there, or ones your child isn't looking to solve with you. And the result? Wasted time energy and an opportunity to get something right with your child. When you think you know what you're trying to solve: check it out and agree together on what it is.

Say things like: "I think we are trying to solve how you are going to pay for the new bike, is that right?" It could be that they think the issue is how YOU are going to pay for it, not them. A slight difference, that can get a conversation on a different track pretty quick. So talk about it and agree what the issue is you will try to solve. It can turn out to be: "Ok, we are trying to figure out who is going to pay what for your new bike and how." It saves you a lot of time, because by getting this agreement you can focus on solving it, instead of doing a dance about who is responsible without getting it on the table.

Now you can work as partners and focus on the win-win you are looking for. The fourth to ninth step give you the rest of the resolution process.

And remember, nine steps to solve conflicts is a lot less than the steps to bake a cake!

Wouter van der Hall is the author of The Parent Program http://www.theparentprogram.com will give you easy access to positive parenting attitudes, tools and skills. The Parent Program is a 15 minute a day email/web based parenting program. You will feel more relaxed, confident and competent as you deal with parenting issues. 24/7 accessible at home and anywhere, so in your time, pace and comfort. To help you become the great parent you can be.

Article Author: Wouter_Van_Der_Hall

Article Source: http://www.many-articles.com



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